A narcissist has an exaggerated sense of their importance and worth. As a result, they want excessive attention and admiration from the people around them and generally lack empathy for others. If you are wondering how to deal with a narcissist husband or wife, reading our post can help you. Living with a narcissistic partner is never easy. Narcissists usually have troubled relationships because they are self-centered and unmindful of their partner’s needs. They always prioritize themselves and try to manipulate their partners for their benefit. They want to be treated superior and are dominant in a relationship. However, ending a relationship isn’t always the way out. You need to understand them and try some useful tips to deal with a narcissistic spouse.
What Is Narcissism?
One of the easiest ways to identify narcissists is the extreme admiration they have for themselves. Narcissist people are those who love their own looks and appearance. Not only do they hold themselves in the highest regard, but also expect everyone else around them to think and believe so. A narcissist always seems to be extremely selfish, arrogant, inconsiderate, jealous, and vain. Another person would only matter to them for wish-fulfillment. Narcissism is categorized as a mental and personality disorder.
Types Of Narcissism
Here are the two different types of narcissism you may come across if you are in a relationship with one (1):
1. Vulnerable Narcissist:
2. Grandiose Narcissist:
7 Signs Of Narcissistic Husband Or Wife
You may have already sensed it, or maybe you feel that’s just how your partner is. But if you constantly notice the following signs in your partner, chances are, you are involved with a narcissist:
1. Always Talks About Self:
Whatever be the setting, your partner will always take the lead and talk about themselves. If you tried to deviate from their conversation, you would be given only a small window to talk, and your partner would move to talking about themselves again. Voicing opinions or ideas could be difficult. Also, if you say something that does not align with your partner’s views, he or she will try to correct you, or ignore it outright. You may also notice that in an effort to do so, your partner may come across as being loud, obnoxious, rude, and arrogant.
2. No Rules Apply:
Those who have narcissist tendencies always think of rules as something that is beyond their dignity to follow. Simple habits like following the traffic rule or respecting a time commitment will not be something your partner will honor. In fact, your partner may go all out to specifically break a rule and show that it just does not matter to them.
3. Looks Will Always Be First Priority:
For many narcissist partners, looks are the top-most priority, as making the first impression will be of extreme importance. Your partner will spend a lot of time preening and taking care of looks, including clothes, shoes, accessories, perfumes, and such. In most cases, how you dress up or the way you look will rarely matter to him or her, as you will always remain the secondary one in the relationship. Once your partner is ready, you will be expected to admire and appreciate your partner on looks and tell them how amazing they look.
4. Charming Glory:
When your partner wants to make you agree to something, be assured that you will be charmed off your feet. A narcissistic spouse can almost always get out of any sticky situation, by using the biggest magic trick of all – charm. In most cases, you may not even realize that this is how it played out, but when you look back and think upon it, you will see how you were manipulated to take a decision, according to them.
5. Can Get Easily Offended:
It is very easy to tick off your narcissist partner and send him or her into a spell of negative moods. One of the surest ways in which you will know that your partner is a narcissist is if each time you disagree with your partner or fail to give him or her attention, there will always be a temper tantrum or a sulking phase. Your partner will be offended if you do not give them enough time, as perceived by him or her. High praise and the best human awards are also what your partner is looking for. He or she always wants to be shown around as the best person. If you fail to do so, be ready to bear some sulking and guilt feeling of having neglected them.
6. Greater Than Everyone Else:
Your partner may or may not love you as much as you love him or her, but they will still believe that you have the best partner in the world. For a narcissist person, every relationship is about themselves. Your partner will genuinely feel that he or she is nothing short of a celebrity, and as a result, will feel entitled to special treatment and adoration. With this huge self-image in mind, your partner will believe that you cannot live without him or her, no matter what you are getting out of the relationship.
7. No Concept Of Boundaries:
Narcissists do not understand what it means to give someone their space and how to respect social boundaries. It means that as a partner, your significant other will not take into consideration the fact that their action could hurt you, or that you may not always agree with what they do. Your partner may borrow your money or any prized possession and not bother to return it. It becomes a recurring habit, one that your partner will also display while dealing with others. And it does not stop at materialistic things. It moves to not respecting your schedule, work, etc. You might feel that they are treating you as though you were a part of themselves, maybe a third arm.
6 Possible Causes Of Narcissism
There are no definite causes that are known to lead to a narcissistic personality disorder. While some experts feel that the root of narcissism lies in events that may have taken place in the person’s childhood and influenced him accordingly, others feel that being exposed to a narcissist at a very young age could lead to narcissism. Here are some of the most common causes which experts feel could lead to narcissism, though there is no definite proof of the same: [4]
1. Too Pampered As A Child:
If the child is always pampered by parents and other members of the family, he or she may grow up feeling extra-special and superior.
2. High Parental Expectation:
When parents have extremely high expectations from the child, it creates undue pressure and leads the child to turn into a person who always tries to please people. Even though the child may not enjoy it, he or she will always try to match up to the parent’s expectation, and suffer from guilt when unable to do so.
3. Feeling Neglected:
Not getting enough attention from parents can lead to feelings of neglect. As a result, the child may grow up and demand absolute attention, time, and devotion from the partner.
4. Witnessing Abuse As A Child:
In certain cases, a child could grow up to be a narcissist if he or she has faced some kind of abuse such as physical violence, abusive language, threatening body language. This could either have been inflicted upon them or on any of their family members.
5. Genetic Inheritance:
Narcissistic personality traits could also be linked to the genetic makeup, where the brain behaves, thinks, and reacts in specific ways to specific situations and triggers.
6. Unable To Vent Feelings As A Child:
If as a child, one is asked to constantly mask emotions as it could seem like a sign of weakness, it could turn into a negative character trait. Growing up like this, the child will not be able to understand others’ emotions and will not be an empathetic person.
Can Narcissism Point To Something Else?
In a few cases, a narcissist person could have had a narcissist parent and grew up witnessing the effects first-hand. Narcissist parents offer their children various chances to develop but provide no real motivation, support, or love. For instance, a narcissist parent will want a genius for a child, to prove thier superiority as a parent. However, they will not offer any real support or guidance to help the child be one and may simply demand that it be so. If your partner has a narcissistic personality trait, it could mean that he or she felt abandoned or were not loved as a child. Also, your partner may have had to struggle a lot as a child to get what they needed. They would have had to put in a lot of effort to move out of any feelings of self-despair and confusion.
6 Adverse Effects Of Narcissism On Relationship
When you are in a relationship with a narcissistic personality, chances are your relationship will be in a downward spiral. Here are a few ways in which your partner’s narcissism can strain the relationship: [5]
How To Deal With A Narcissistic Husband Or Wife?
How To Cure Or Stop Narcissism?
The main way to treat narcissism is through psychotherapy, which is often a long-term treatment option. Here are a few things that could help: [6] There are no medications that are used for treating narcissism. However, if your partner has any additional symptoms, such as depression, anxiety or other issues, the doctor may prescribe required medication.
How To Control Your Narcissism?
It is difficult to take charge of your narcissism, but with time and patience, the following steps can help:
How To Move Out Of A Narcissistic Relationship?
Ending a relationship is always painful, and one in which you are involved with a narcissist can get even more difficult to move out of. Narcissists are usually charmers and great at manipulating you, so even if some part of you may feel that you need to move out, you may not be ready to do so. Here are a few things you should consider to move out of a narcissistic relationship:
